Virgenda Pono Reynolds-Goldman

Virgenda Rono Reynolds-Goldman, 64, born on November 21, 1949, Philippines, passed away March 16, 2014. She resided in Van Nuys, California at the time of her passing. Arrangements are under the direction of Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills, California.

Below is the history of her illness to the time of her passing.

Updated as of Mar 16, 2014 @ 9:11p updated by Chito
She fought a long battle. She was not alone. She was surround by Family and Friends. My mother passed March 16, 2014 at 5:35p (Pacific Time). Rest in Peace Virgenda Pono Reynolds Goldman. You will be miss by many. As your only son, I thank you for the life you have given me. I thank you for making me the man I am today. Rest in Peace knowing, you have done a great job as a mother. You have done what any mother would want for their child. To grow up. To mature. To have a family. To be responsible. I will do for my children what you have done for me. That is how I will honor you life, your sacrifice and you devoted love.

Updated as of Mar 16, 2014 @ 3:40p updated by Chito
The Morphine drip started around 10a, she was tapered around noon. She was off the ventilator around 12:30p. Until now, she is still breathing on her own. She was responsive to some of our commands. There were a lot of people here today. It is nice to know she is loved by many. Right now, she is looking good. She is breathing, she seems comfortable and she does not seem to be in pain. She is still unresponsive.

Updated as of Mar 15, 2014 @ 11:11p updated by Chito
We, Donna and the two kids just came back after visiting her. Aidan is taking it pretty hard. It was even harder when we said say your last goodnight to her. She was unresponsive to anything tonight. Caden sang her a song. Aidan said his good byes. Donna said her good byes. And I said my good byes. I told her thank you for raising me right. I will do my best to live honorably.

Updated as of Mar 15, 2014 @ 8:41p updated by Chito
As we go closer to the end of my moms suffering, I can't help to reflect back on her life. I can't help the doubts in my mind. I continue to look back at her, and see her as she is right now. I must remind myself what she wanted. I know it is easy to say, she looks better. Believe me, I see it too. However, I must look deeper than that, her underlying condition is not reversible. I look back and must honor what she wants. I couldn't give her last wish of dying at home, the one thing I can do is to honor her wishes. I am at a loss for words. If you do visit her, and she still responds, take that token of gift and go at peace. All the doctors have done all they can. My wife Donna even consulted with the doctors at UCLA, and even they without seeing the medical facts are saying he same thing Kaiser doctors are saying that sees her everyday. She fought a good fight to the end. But her body can not endure anymore. To continue will only make her suffer when there is no outcome she will live with the quality of life she would want. As I read through my past post, I am still at a loss of words how people can question the decision that has been made. I say to you, How dare you?! Do you have no regard for how hard this is for me and my family already? Do you have no regard for my moms wishes.

Updated as of Mar 14, 2014 @ 10:09p updated by Chito
We went to visit her today: My wife and two kids. It was heart breaking to see my son, 9, Aidan started to cry in the room and bursted out as we left the hospital. Maybe it was because when we visited today, when Donna said to my mom "look who is here" and when my mom saw Aidan, she lite up a beautiful smile. She was minimally responsive. Before I left, I looked her in the eye and she looked back at me. It must have been 15 seconds or so, but it felt a lot longer than that. I didn't say anything, I just looked into her eyes. I want so much for her to know what we are doing Sunday. I tried several times to tell her. I hope she knows. I hope she understand. I hope she agrees. I will be there before 10a on Sunday. And stay till the end. From friends and family abroad, I will take pictures so you can see my beloved mother.

Updated as of Mar 13, 2014 @ 7:19p updated by Chito
Donna mentioned to me that the nurse was stating her blood pressure is really low. She may not make it to Sunday. Once I find her camera, I am going to post all of the picture she has taken in her camera, and some of the pictures she gave to me to archive. They will be located at the Guest Book page www.virgenda.shutterfly.com.
As I write this, I still can not believe my mom will soon be gone. The only comfort I can take is that I will know and where she will pass. As I write, I urge all of you to create a Will, create an Advance Directive and appoint someone who you trust to carry out your wishes in the event something catastrophic no matter what. I have learned, following your emotions only causes your loved ones to suffer.
I am feeling emotions I have never felt before. I am lost in how to express them. I broke down in tears when I wrote some of my posting, and I broke down today talking to the hospice. Reality sunk in and I tried so hard to hold it, but these new emotions overwhelmed me. I will be ok. I promised my wife, I would control any outburst of emotions I may have. I will not go violent or hot headed. I am not going to drown my emotions in alcohol as someone suggested. I will grieve, I will mourn, but I will be happy knowing my mother accomplished a mothers goal: she raised me into the man I am today.
All I ask, if you see me, don't ask me how I am doing. You can say hello, you can say good bye, you can talk to me, just don't ask me how I am doing.

Updated as of Mar 13, 2014 @ 6:23p updated by Chito
We met with the hospice care today. It is concluded that that my moms death is imminent. I regret to inform you we can not honor one of her last wish: to pass at her home. Rather than her continue to suffer and possibly getting a heart attack, we are going to provide her comfort care. On Sunday March 16, 2014 around noon. We will cease life support. She may have minutes or hours till she passes. She already has a plot in Forrest Lawn in Hollywood next to her mother, my grandmother, Trinidad Pono. I do not have any information about funeral arrangements, as this is new to me. Donna and I are working on the arrangements, payments, setup's, catering, etc. Does anyone remember where my Lola Trining had hers done? Any advice you can give Donna or me would be great. Donna is handling most of the arrangements. You can still see her at the hospital. When I was there today, she was unresponsive. She looks really bad.

Updated as of Mar 13, 2014 @ 11:05a updated by Chito
The nurse just called Donna and said, when they turn her, she turns blue. She is going to die soon. The doctors did all the treatment for her, including blood transfusion and dialysis. She will die at home as she wished. The doctor said she is susceptible to a stroke anytime now. I NOT going to allow my mother to suffer. I know she responds to small things here and there, please take that a small token of gift that she is able to communicate with you. Ask her if she recognizes you, and take comfort that she does and she aware you are there. Say your peace with her and say your good byes. It is NOT sign of hope. Her internal organs are gone. She is life support dependent, which she clearly states on her Will she does not want that. I have received numerous communications about prolonging her life. I AM NOT DOING THAT. I am not going to allow my mother to suffer another minute. To what end will that do? That question will never be answered, and while we wait, my mother suffers. You have read my posts in the past, what hasn't the doctor done to save my mother? What prayer wasn't said? What wish wasn't said? Please, all of you, this is already a difficult time. I write this so that we can all be at peace and accept my mother is passing. We need your support, I need your support more than ever. I already have enough doubts, I have already questioned and I have already hope all I can. This was the most difficult decision I have ever made. Respect that, respect me, respect my moms wishes and god bless.

Here is a quote from Calvin B, whom I saw him visiting my mom. It is a very fitting passage:
-
Physical pain and suffering are part of the human existence. No one likes to suffer, and it is difficult to understand why an all loving God would allow his children to experience pain, sickness, illness, handicaps, incurable diseases, and death. However, God did not create the world this way. It was only through man's disobedience and rebellion that suffering and death entered into the world.

Do not blame God. Instead, in your suffering turn to the Lord for healing, comfort, and help in dealing with your pain and afflictions. Suffering is not always "bad" for us. Suffering can bring us closer to God and point us toward the eternal glory that awaits us in heaven—where there will be no more pain and suffering, and where we will spend eternity with God.
-

Updated as of Mar 12, 2014 @ 4:10p updated by Chito
Let me first say, thank you all for your support and prayers. My mom has received it in many forms. Some of you have visited, some of you have helped, some of you have prayed and some of you have been very supportive. For some that I am meeting for the first time, seeing for the time, talking for the time and communicating in other ways for the first time, thank you and it is nice to know my mom was loved by many. I am happy to know, but not surprised, that she has touched many peoples hearts. My passion and kindness stems from her heart.
I can't thank my wife enough for being supportive and strong in these difficult times. My mom and I came to the America, Dec 6, 1986. I was merely eight years old turning nice on March 27. I remember my mom trying to ween me from her and preparing me to be away from her because there was a chance when she came to America, I would not be joining her. I remember, crying hysterically chasing her taxi as she left me at her brothers house, Tio Jimmy, in Cebu. I remember how we struggled taking the bus from Sherman Way and Sepulveda to Panomara City, it would take a very long time. I think the bus fare at the time was only $0.95, and we were $0.25 short and we had to ask for money. I remember her taking me to Disneyland for the first time with my first friend here in America, Lance Nun. And my future friends Jet and Rudy. My mom became close friends with their parents and we were very close. My mom was always kind to them. I realize those things now. I remember when she met Tita Nita in our first apartment. Tita was her close friend, even to this day. And I remember, the joy she had when she held my Son for the first time and my daughter for the first time. That is when I lost my mom for the first time. Her love was no longer mine, it belonged to her grand kids, which is fitting.
I cherish those memories. I am glad she got to travel the world with Bernard. I am glad she was able to get a house. The American Dream she had. That is not to say, the American Dream does not come with a bit of drama and struggle.
As I said in my previous post, I am at peace knowing as a mother, she has done her job. Do not be sad, it is ok to mourn, but do not be sad. She has lived a good life, she has struggled, she has loved and she has laughed. What more can anyone really ask for? Of course things can always be better, she can always have more money, she can always have this and that, and a little less of this and that. But that is life. Life is not always fair, Life is not always nice, Life is not always easy, that is how it goes. Nothing we can do about it. We can either bitch and moan about the cards we are dealt with or just accept and make the best out of it. I can be angry why God this to her, but why? It is what it is. I am accepting that.
We met with the Bioethics committee today. It was Bernard, Donna and myself along with the Social Services, Bioethics and Dr. Shah. We never gave up on her. We waited, and waited, gave her treatment after treatment. Test after test, and waited and waited some more. She has been in the hospital for 58 days. In the past two to three weeks, her health deteriorated. It has not stabilized or improved. Instead, it turned for the worse. Her kidneys have failed. Her lungs are compromised. Her brain has damage. It is not fair for her to suffer for OUR personal interest in keeping her alive. She has written a clear directions of what she wants. She does not want to be hooked up to machines. If she was standing there looking at her body, what would she say? Well, she wrote it. As her only son, do I want her to live, of course. But at what price? For my personal feeling that she lives? Have I no regard for her well being? Of course not. I wouldn't want to live like that. Neither would she. I don't think any of us would. For those of you that want to wait, we did. For those of you who to want to wait even more, we did. For those of you who wanted more medication, we did. We tried all we know. Because my mom was young and healthy, we gave it every chance. Yes she is responding to some of our questions and commands. So I asked myself. Suppose, her Brain is 90% to 100% normal. But her internal organs have failed (which they are). What do you think she would say? To live in a wheel chair, to live with ventilator, to live with dialysis, to live with tube feeding and to live with tons of pills to be taken daily. That is not a quality of life she would want. I hope you all can understand that. But on the latter, suppose her brain is only at 10% to 20%, but her internal organs are 100%. Do you think she would want to live not knowing her grand kids? Not knowing her son? Not knowing the people she loves? I don't think so.
So I have made a decision that coincides with the doctors. We are making preparations to take her home where she will pass. On her Will, she wants to pass at home. We are having the house cleaned on Friday and making more arrangements to make her time at home be as painless and as peaceful as possible surround by her friends and family. From my understanding, she will only have hours, if not a day or two if we are lucky once she is taken off life support.
Do not be sad. It is ok to mourn, think of the joy she has given you. Think of all the good things she has done. Think of all the wonderful times you have shared with my mom, Virgenda.
I will try to setup a live webcam for others abroad to see her at home.

Updated as of Mar 12, 2014 @ 10:50a updated by Chito
We have a bioethics committee meeting today. Dr. Sodhi requested for this meeting. We will read my moms wishes for what to do. The decisions solely relies on Donna with the consult of myself and Bernard, and her DPOA. This has especially hard on my wife since my moms condition changes. We all want a miracle that she gets better. She has on her will what she wants. We are NOT giving up on my mom. We have been in constant contact with the doctors and we know her status. As I have said, my mom does not want to live in her condition. In these difficult times, we need your support, we do not need to be questioned. We have her best interest at heart.

Updated as of Mar 11, 2014 @ 5:26p updated by Chito
She has been off sedation all day. She is still unresponsive. Well, very minimal at best. Her arms are no longer swollen, but her feet are. Her blood pressure is high and her heart rate is high. Not much to say. It is still a sad situation. I took some pictures of her today.

Updated as of Mar 10, 2014 @ 8:00p updated by Chito
Today is another sad day. Her health is deteriorating. Medically speaking, there is nothing more they can do. Only a miracle can save her now. If any of you want to see her, now is the time. She doesn't have much time left. As her only son, I have prepared myself for the inevitable. All of you, her friends and family, please prepare yourselves. See her while you can. My heart aches like never before. I don't know how to express it aside from these words I write. My heart aches that my last words to her was "I'll see you tomorrow". In pains me to know that she will leave me. But I am thankful for the life and sacrifice she did for me. I love you ma.

Updated as of Mar 9, 2014 @ 6:11p updated by Chito
The first thing I realized today, I am not prepared to talk about the situation, I may have in the past, but more and more, I feel less comfortable talk about it as the news worsens. I am more comfortable writing my feelings down. So please, if you do come across me, don't ask me. I saw here today, she went back to the DOA, one step lower than ICU. Her hands were black and blue. They don't know why. Her responsiveness is very minimal. I asked her to hold my hands, she did. I asked her to squeeze she did. I know this is a sign of progress. I just hope she is not limited to that. It was heart breaking talking to the doctors and it seems like there is no hope. It seems we are only discussing the inevitable. Her lungs are compromised. Her heart is compromised. Her kidneys are compromised. Her brain is compromised. What more can this woman endure? Even if her lungs get better. Even if her heart gets better. Even if her kidneys get better. It is nothing if her brain isn't there.

Updated as of Mar 6, 2014 @ 5:49p updated by Chito
I will start with the bad news and give a little good news, and tell the truth at the end. She has taken for the worse once again and she is back at ICU. She is requires Dialysis at least three times a week according to the Dialysis tech. Her hands and arms have bruises that look horrific. I decided not to take pictures of her today. Her heart rate is over 150 and her blood pressure was low. Her ventilator is higher in setting again. Now some good news. She was semi aware. She was off sedative since 8a. She was able to respond to some of my questions. I asked her to squeeze my hand twice, she did. I asked her to squeeze my hand three times, she did. I asked her if she was in the moon, she shook her head no. I asked her if she was on airplane, she didn't respond. I asked her if she recognized me, she nodded yes. I asked her if she wants Dialysis, she nodded no. When I asked her again, she didn't respond. I have to take her responses with a grain of salt, but this was something I was never able to do for the past two months. So I was happy to see her responding. I just hope it improves and not limited to that kind of responses. Day by day, we continue to pray. A couple of days ago, I was questioning god's test. Then my wife said something to me that made sense. God is not making her suffer. God is not doing this to her. It is "us". We put the ventilator on her. We put the tube feeding on her. We are doing the dialysis. It is "us" prolonging her life. That prolonging is causing her to suffer. We are doing this in hopes she will cheat death to live another day. We are hoping, time will make her whole again. Time will tell what the outcome will be. I am at peace knowing this. In the end, whatever "she will get better with time" that means, I know a few things: She does not want to live with a ventilator. She does not want to live with a tube feeding. She does not want to be on Dialysis. She does not want to be on a wheel chair. My mom has endured more rough times than good. The last thing she would want is to live like that. I am at peace knowing, she has lived to see America. I am at peace knowing she has seen me grow up and be a successful family man. I am at peace knowing she has met my kids. She has lived. As mother, she has done her job. It us up to God and the appointed to decide her fate.

Updated as of Mar 4, 2014 @ 9:15p updated by Chito
I regret to inform you that her condition has turned for the worst. She is so swollen that fluids are sipping through her skin. This is a serious sign that her kidneys are failing or have failed. It is a very disturbing site. Her wounds from where they draw blood just looks horrific. At this point, she is on a ventilator, she is tube feeding and now she will be on a permanent dialysis. I don't believe this is the kind of quality life anyone wants. We will continue this process as long as possible and consult with doctors to make sure there is a way to recovery. If there is no possibility to recovery that will have a decent quality of life, then I know she doesn't want it. I don't believe she wants to be on a ventilator, on tube feeding and on dialysis. On top of that, she has brain damage. This is just an awful thing to happen to a good person, regardless if she is my mother or not. I continue to ask, how can this possibly be a test on faith? How can this be gods will? What kind of test is this? I know we pray, I pray, and hope . But I do not understand this. I am told to keep my faith. I am. But honestly, ask yourselves, what kind of test is this to put a person, a good person through this?

Updated as of Mar 1, 2014 @ 8:27p updated by Chito
After visiting her today, not much has changed for the better. She is really swollen. She may have to go back to dialysis again. Comparing the rehab center to the hospital is night and day. Ratio @ Kaiser is 3:1, ratio at the rehab is 18:1. That is a scary number, but I guess to be in the rehab center, you are there to recuperate rather than be cared for at the hospital level. She is still sedated. Her vitals are erratic. Her heart is high and her ventilator is working harder or should I say not in sync with her. I am not sure exactly if that is the correct term, but it was making a lot of noise.

Updated as of Mar 1, 2014 @ 2:06p updated by Chito
Donna went yesterday, Friday, she said she was more or less the same. She is still sedated because whenever she off sedation her heart rate goes up and she gets fussy. Then again, while sedated, she doesn't get the mental stimulation she needs. So it is a catch 22. I went to the Rehab Center today where she will go after the hospital. The place seemed cleaned. The staff seemed nice. It is very close to the house about 1.5 miles away. I think I can bike it from the house. It would seem I will have another task to do: take care of the normal paper responsibilities for moms stuff.

Updated as of Feb 26, 2014 @ 10:34p updated by Chito
We had the meeting today with Dr. Shah along with Donna and auntie Deling. We didn't hear anything we already didn't know. I had a chance to speak to another neurologist and again, I didn't hear anything I didn't already know. However, he used the word "Moderate" to describe her brain injury rather than "Severe". I just hope he used that word as it was intended rather than using it sparingly. She did something new today, however brief it was, she seemed like she was tracking when we entered the room. When I told her to squeeze my hand she kinda did. When I asked her if she knows I was here, she sort of nodded her head as if she acknowledged me. However, it was so brief that I couldn't confirm. I will go again tomorrow and spend more time with her to see if she is showing signs of recovery. This is the first signs of her showing some signs she is there. Maybe it was because her sedation has been turned down.

Updated as of Feb 25, 2014 @ 7:37p updated by Chito
We have a meeting with the doctors tomorrow. It will be three of us. Donna, Auntie Deling and I will meet the doctors tomorrow face to face to discuss her long term care options. Please rest assure, I am NOT pulling the plug. I am still hanging on the POLST form and I will fill it out after the meeting. And of the course the most important doctor, neurologist MIGHT not be there. How perfect. Instead of putting my energy into my mom, you have to deal with this BS. I don't plan on seeing her today. It is both depressing and upsetting to see her like that. I have been so tired lately. I don't wish this on anyone. Life as it is IS already stressful, adding to that work and the icing on the cake, my mom is bad shape. If this is a test on god's will, it is a good one. I know I can't lose faith, I have two children to think about.

Updated as of Feb 24, 2014 @ 9:57p updated by Chito
She still looks bad. Extremely sad to see. I took a picture of her Ventilator settings. Donna found some information about her condition. It states that the longer she stays in a vegetative state, the likely of her staying in that condition is more permanent. I will post the link once I have it. Her legs are starting to swell again. Her feet and hands looked moisturized. Last time I was there, I put lotion on her both hands and feet. Her vitals looked stable. I informed the nurse again today that I would like to have a face to face meeting on Wednesday. I just need a little notice so I can make arrangements to attend. We continue to pray. To compound to the issue, we are also dealing with another person who just got ill.

Updated as of Feb 24, 2014 @ 8:45a updated by Chito
I couldn't update the site since Friday. I had lengthy conversation with Dr. Sohdi (I am not sure if that is how it is spelled). I had asked everything I needed to know. I know the doctors can be busy, so I really appreciated he took the time to talk to me for over 45 minutes. And to date the neurologist has still not called me. From what I gather, she has severe brain damage. Dr. Sohdi could not confirm the severity, length and healing progress as the brain is a very complex organ. But I told him that I need something to hang on to. I can not continue to keep hearing "we don't know", "only a matter of time", I can not continue to hear that because that is all I have heard since she has been there over 30 days ago. It is a grim reality. They do tell me with certain, she will NOT be the same person who came in. Depending on the severity, I don't think my mom would want to live on a ventilator with a feeding tube for the rest of her life. She wouldn't want that. I had requested to have a face to face meeting on Wednesday Feb 26 with Me, Bernard, Donna and Auntie Deling. At which point, I will fill out the POLST form with the proper answers. I appreciate all your prayers and continued prayers. I will have to make one of the hardest decision of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way, I wouldn't want someone else to make that decision for me.

Updated as of Feb 20, 2014 @ 9:23p updated by Chito
After visiting her today, I am starting to realize the magnitude of her condition. I have always known that it was serious, but not only at her present condition, but her way of life after. I don't want to discuss "IF's", but it has come into my mind of what if this, what if that, etc. I can't imagine her living like that, I can't imagine her wanting to live like that. We are filing a complaint against the neurologist for not getting back to us for three days. Her doctor does not want to explain to me, she wants the neurologist to explain it to me. This just adds to my anger. She is still the same, she is just lying there. Her vitals looked stable and her ventilator is still on the lower setting. I play the CD when I get there, and make sure it will continue to play the remaining songs when I leave. God help her. I really don't understand why you let a good person go through this.

Updated as of Feb 19, 2014 @ 4:30p updated by Donna
We received a call today from the hospital. Mama has UTI and her chest X-ray indicates pneumonia. She's on antibiotic for UTI. Her heart rate goes to 170s when she's agitated. That means that she's tachycardic and afib. The nurse told us that she's nowhere ready to be discharge to Subacute. We are still waiting for the neurologist. This is the second call we requested and so far to no avail. We wanted to discuss his prognosis on mama's brain activity. We want to know if what she has is irreversible so we can all move forward. It's very hard seeing her in vegetative state. She's just lying there, her eyes open and closes, she blinks but it's all signs of reflex. It's very easy to have it mistaken as her responding but it's not. She has minimal brain activity and she doesn't respond to any visual stimuli including the lights. We'll keep praying and hoping...

Updated as of Feb 18, 2014 @ 8:20p updated by Chito
So I am at the hospital and sadly to say, there are no significant changes. She still looks the same. Although her ventilator is at the lowest I have seen. She does have the direct feeding tube to her stomach now. She is only antibiotic and some mild sedative. I got her a new radio since I could not find the one I thought I had. I just hope it doesn't grow legs and walk away. I used a CD that someone left for her and I plan to make more shortly. Her vitals looks stable. She looks as well as to be expected under the circumstances. Donna and I are anxious to talk to the neurologist. We asked to speak to him today, but did not get a call back. We can only pray whatever she has will heal with time.

Updated as of Feb 15, 2014 @ 6:03p updated by Chito
I have been sick since yesterday. I got a fever and other bowel problems. Donna went last night, she will update later of her findings. For the most part no change. This afternoon Dr. Shaw called me and told me she wants me to speak to the neurologist to get the information because it is something she can not explain to me. However, the jist of it is that her EEG looks the same as before. There is a good chance that the H1N1 has affected her brain. To what degree, that is the million dollar question. I am still suffering from nausea and fever. And the occasional run to the porcelain god.

Updated as of Feb 13, 2014 @ 9:07p updated by Chito
This is a first. I am using my phone to update this at the hospital. I played some Pandora for her: Bruno Mars station. Something soothing. I am going to clean a radio we have with a CD player tonight or tomorrow. If any of you want to leave her a voicemail, call my google number. If I pick, just say you want to leave a VM, I'll hang up and call back and I won't pick up the call. I can then save that Voicemail and burn it to a CD and play it along with other songs and voicemails from others. 931-622-9825. I also put some lotion in her feet, they were extremely dry. Her heart rate shot up to 160+ when she had her suction done. I have to rely on Kaisers WiFi because Sprint has poor signal here. I constantly have to sign in on the WiFi. Also, tonight is the first time I have seen the room dark. No lights are on. With all the machines humming, beeping and buzzing is hypnotic at times. Her Vitals were stable, but right now her heart rate is still 100+. Her ventilator settings looks like on the low setting. She opened her eyes again. One of her eye is starting to drift away. It does not look the same. She still does not track or respond. I always hold her hands and ask to squeeze. I look into her eyes and ask her to blink twice in a row, something to help me understand she is there. It wouldn't be right for her to go through all the struggles and hardship we have and she has endured just to retire and live like this. This is not fair. She is a good person, she shouldn't be here.

Updated as of Feb 13, 2014 @ 5:30p updated by Donna
I wish I had better news to report but unfortunately what we had suspected in the past 2 weeks was just confirmed by Dr. Shaw. Mama's brain scan showed damages in four sides of her brain. She said it could be due to hypoxia or stroke. She will perform the EEG again tomorrow to determine the severity and how we can move forward to it. I am a woman of faith and I know that God will not let mama beat this disease so that she could just remain in partial vegetative state. It just breaks my heart if she doesn't wake-up and watch her grand kids grow-up. Last night I remembered my last conversation with Mama. It was Tuesday, Jan 7th. Every Tuesday she comes to the house to have dinner with us. She brings her fried fish and my favorite eggplant. I just started crying because I realized how much I really miss her. I am just so hopeful that one day she'll be out of the hospital and we'll have our long chats again. I really didn't give myself the chance to be sad because I keep telling myself that this is just a bump that we shall overcome soon. That Tuesday cannot be the last time I can talk to her. That Tuesday cannot be the last time we would laugh together again.

Updated as of Feb 13, 2014 @ 1:37p updated by Chito
I received two phone calls today, one from Richard who asked me questions about her before the MRI. The second was from Dr. Shaw. She will be there till 10p, so hopefully I can see her tonight and discuss further. Dr. Shaw is concerned along with the neurologist why she has not woken up. They are going to do the MRI to see if they can determine what is going on. I informed Dr. Shaw that I was concerned that there talks of discharging her at her condition, luckily she replied "she is not going anywhere until I determine why she not woken up yet."

Updated as of Feb 12, 2014 @ 8:47p updated by Chito
Her tube feeding is in, according to the nurse it went well. She will start feeding tomorrow morning. The nurse told me earlier her heart rate was really high. It was only a few minutes before I got there that it slowed down to normal. Her vitals looked good and her ventilator was at the lowest setting for the O2 which is at 40%. They are going to try to do breathing trials again tomorrow so that in hopes she doesn't need it going to rehab. I have four addresses for the nursing home, and we are going to check them out sometime before Monday. I have never researched a nursing home before so I am relying on information from others who have to what to look for. I was informed initial and foremost is the smell when you enter the facility. If it doesn't smell right, that is a very bad sign already. The other factor to consider is distance. She is going to be there for some time, and the commute has to be a factor in the decision making. It will not be the first factor, but a factor it will be. Donna and I are really frustrated because no one has told us definitively what other test they can do to check for Brain Damage. I get a lot of side line answers. I want them to do whatever test they need to do to check for Brain damage. I don't understand why someone like me who is not in the medical field would have to ask repeatedly. Enduring this process has put me through some difficult times, frustrating at times and I can feel how this stressful situation is affecting me some how. I don't know exactly what it is doing to me, but I can feel something is happening to me. I am going to bring a radio with a cd player tomorrow and put some familiar tunes for her. I may even put sounds of tv shows, the kids, the dogs, etc to let her hear familiar sounds. I hope this will give her some sort of mental stimulation.

Updated as of Feb 11, 2014 @ 9:21p updated by Chito
I had some voicemails from the doctor and nurse today to give me an update: same. The scan was negative. Although this is a good sign, it just leaves questions to why is she still not conscience. It is a scary sight to see her open her eyes and not track you. I touched her feet today and tickled it. She is very ticklish, and she did move her feet away. Not sure what that means, but she did not react before. Her heart rate was higher today @ 112. Her respirator looked a little lower, but some other settings looked higher. Her arms looked worse today. When she lifted her arms, the skins sags and it is just sad.

Updated as of Feb 10, 2014 @ 4:30p updated by Donna
Chito and I spoke to the doctor today because Dr. Shaw wanted consent for a gastric feeding tube. She mentioned that the nasal feeding tube that she has is only meant to be used for a month. Mama had an abnormal EEG and her eyes are not following the same direction. She said that she could be suffering from encephalopathy (brain disease). Dr. Shaw will order a CT scan to be more certain of the degree of the damage. Mama also has pleural effusion and scarring in her lungs. These are all being treated accordingly. Our concern is the damage to her brain but Dr. Shaw mentioned that time will tell if it is permanent or temporary. Mama had suffered from organ failure which could have contributed to the damage along with the diagnosis of ARDS. She's still in serious condition but her likelihood from beating this thing is greater than before. Chito and I will look at some recommended Skilled Nursing Facility that would be suitable for her needs. We all want her to go home and recover in her own home but unfortunately it might not be forthcoming at this time. I must say that I am more confident today having to have spoken with Dr. Shaw. She answered a lot of my questions impending to mama's recovery.
Appended as of Feb 10, 2014 @ 8:47p by Chito
Something new happened today. She opened her eyes, but she still was not tracking, however, as I put my hand to her forehead, she blink. So I did it again as if hitting her eyes, and she blinked again. I did this several times to see if it was a reflex or a cognitive reflex (not sure if there is a difference), but she did blink as a normal person would. So what this mean, at least to me, it would seem she has some awareness. Her vitals are stable and her respirator looked the same, but the pressure looked slightly higher. I gave the nurse the go ahead to tell Dr. Shaw to go ahead with the gastric feeding. Her arms seems so withered, saggy and full of bruises. Her arms looked skinny. It is just sad to see her like this.

Updated as of Feb 9, 2014 @ 12:36p updated by Chito
I went to her early this morning and had a chance to talk to the doctor over the phone. Her EEG does not confirm nor deny brain damage. What she said was, it slowed down. She said it can be from numerous things. Such as: Organ failures, medication and the N1H1. Only time will tell the severity and duration of the damage. Her vitals look stable. Her ventilator setting looked a tiny bit lower. She is still not responsive.

Updated as of Feb 7, 2014 @ 9:55p updated by Chito
She looked better today. Her face had a glow look to her that I have not seen in a while. However, it is over shadowed by the fact that her condition remains the same. Donna gave her head a wash, not exactly what you think of a wash, more of a "hospital hair wash". There is no water, it is just a shower cap that is heated and put over her head for a few minutes. She had the EEG scan done, and I was surprised no one called me. The nurse couldn't really tell me anything other than "the doctor can tell you the results". Either she is sugar coating it, or she really doesn't know. I hope my other problem is not withholding information from me or telling the hospital to do the same. Her vitals looked stable. Her ventilator settings looked the same. It has been four weeks and she is still not consciences. This can not be normal. I am starting to question the progress of her condition. I understand what she had was severe. I also understand the hospital is treating her. I am only concerned that the treatment may not be sufficient. We had to insist on that EEG scan. After four weeks, the doctors must know there is something wrong. This can not be normal based on what she had, the medication she has had and her progress. Why aren't the doctors reporting to me?

Updated as of Feb 6, 2014 @ 8:30p updated by Chito
I went earlier today and no shocking news. She is still in a vegetative state. I put the phone next to her again, and I saw slight reaction. I hoping that was not a reflex when she heard my kids voice. Her vitals looked stable. Her ventilator settings is still the same: mid level from accounts of what I have seen to date. She wasn't moving a lot today. No blood transfusion either. Her x-ray has no change. For those of you reading this for the first time, or for those who do not know. She is in room 2114 at Kaiser in Woodland Hills.

Updated as of Feb 5, 2014 @ 9:40p updated by Chito
She didn't seem to have blood transfusion today. I requested for a Brain Scan to see if she has brain damage. Seeing her open her eyes and staring at nothing is an unreal sight to see her in that state. I wishfully believe that she can hear and understand that people around her that love her are there. She may not fully understand, but I just hope that can sense we are there. Today, I called the house while I visited her and had the phone on speakerphone while my kids talked to her. For a brief moment, and I am hoping that when she turned her head towards the phone when my kids spoke was not a reflex, but a small acknowledgment that she heard them. I still don't take the kids to see her because of two reasons: one, we get home and situated late, the kids still have homework. two, there are lot of sickness on the floor she is in. I wouldn't want another case of illness. Her vitals looked good. Her X-rays has no change. Her skin on her arms looked so stretched out and wrinkly. I think I am going to ask the nurse the next time I visit to see what kind of lotion she can have and I will rub some on her arms and legs. My wife has been reading a lot about her condition and it is a very slow recovery process, and the likely hood of brain damage is probable. There are other problems that are arising that is NOT about her, but something else that has taken a toll on me and my wife. It is not something we can avoid nor something I should discuss, just know that MY family and I are enduring more than one battle at the same time. I can understand now how some people break down and fall apart. I try to maintain a level head and not let emotion get the better of me. I am just worried that if it does, my efforts and energy will be used away from the care and love my mom needs from me.

Updated as of Feb 4, 2014 @ 5:17p updated by Chito
I got a call today around 8:52a from the doctor. He said her blood count is low and requires a blood transfusion. I will update later tonight after I visit her.
Appended by Chito @ 9:33p. She was on her second bag of the blood transfusion. Her blood count has been low for sometime and the doctors felt she could not endure the low blood count any longer and that it is why a blood transfusion. I am really worried that she may have brain damage. From what I understand, she has ARDS. ARDS is serious. When she open her eyes, she stares into space without a glimpse of acknowledgement about her surroundings. She still does not track. It is so sad to see her in this condition. She has worked so hard and endured so much in her life. Just when she retires and have a chance to relax, she gets this. I just don't understand.

Updated as of Feb 3, 2014 @ 10:04p updated by Chito
Her improvements are like pennies. We are hoping for dollars, even quarters, but her recovery is like pennies, very small. That is the best way I can describe it. All the medical terms are overwhelming. Her status changes from morning to by the time I get there at night. Her settings on the ventilator increases and decrease throughout the day. I was told earlier the setting was 70% O2 but by 8:20p it was down to 60%. So apparently, at this time, all we are hoping for is nothing to get worse. She is stable. But her condition is still bad, so in a way it is contradicting to say "Stable" but she is still in "Bad" shape. But that is her condition.

Updated as of Feb 2, 2014 @ 8:32p updated by Chito
​H1N1 is confirmed that it has been treated. But she is still fighting the Pneumonia and an infection in her lungs (as I understood it). Her fevers come and go. Her arms looks so battle damaged. From what I understood when the nurse was updating the new nurse, she is not having bowel movements, but she is passing a lot of gas. I don't know if that is good or bad, but it doesn't sound good. Her vitals looked ok, and her ventilator is set to a higher setting again. And her room is confirmed 2114. Bottom line when I asked the nurse for the update: She is has no significant improvement. But then again, she is not getting worse.

Updated as of Jan 31, 2014 @ 9:35p updated by Chito
She has been moved to DOA, I don't know what that means, but it is one step below ICU. So in a way, that is a good thing. She still needs a lot of care, but a little less to move her out. She is still not tracking, but she does react to sound and touch. She is not sedated, but the nurse said, everyone "wakes" differently. Her vitals are good, and her life support is the same as yesterday. She is now in room 2114 (not sure, but I know it is 14 something). At this point, it is a day by day, very slow recovery, but a recovery nethertheless. Her x-ray is still the same, and they all tell me the same thing "the same is better than getting worse". She is still in bad shape, and I worry more about any further damage in her health that may not recover.

Updated as of Jan 30, 2014 @ 5:30p updated by Chito
She was very mobile today. Her eyes are opened more and more. She still can not track. But she does react when you touch her or say something to her. Her chances for survival is good. I say this because in the beginning, there was a chance she wasn't going to survive. We are however concerned she may have brain damage due to her present condition. But the doctors says wait a few days to see her progress. She is making small progress everyday. Even if they detect brain damage, there isn't much that can be done. The good news is, as I said, her chances for survival is great. She will be moved out of ICU and to the floor sometime tomorrow or the following day. That is a very good sign. Her vitals are good. She was off the ventilator for at least six hours and she was able to breath on her own.

Updated as of Jan 29, 2014 @ 8:50p updated by Chito
She had the operation for a tracheostomy today. According to the doctors it went well. When I went to see her, it looked a little weird, weird only because this is the second time I have ever seen it up close. Her vitals still looks stable. Her settings on the life support looks low, which is a good thing. The nurse was unavailable today to give me more details. But she is breathing better. She only has one tube in her, which is through her nose. She opened her eyes when I saying good bye touching her feet. I quickly went beside her, but it was only reflex, she would not track me nor give me indication she knew I was there. Her hands looked small and it has wrinkly like a prune, but not that extreme. Her feet is starting to swell again. They are not using the foot boot but rather some other device that wraps around her calves.

Updated as of Jan 28, 2014 @ 6:09p updated by Chito
Today was the most difficult for me to see my mom. Don't get me wrong, her health is improving, but to see her open her eyes as a reflex, to see her react to sounds, and to see her so uncomfortable was very difficult to see. Her life support system settings are lowered again. We asked the doctors to do a brain scan just to make sure there are no other problems compounding to her health. Her vitals looked good. She just seems to be suffering. She seems very uncomfortable. I couldn't take a picture of her today because it was just not a good day, I don't mean her health is deteriorating , but her state and her condition doesn't look good. From what the doctors tells me and the nurses, this is a good thing because she is coming around.

Updated as of Jan 27, 2014 @ 9:03p updated by Chito
I saw her open her eyes, but the nurse said she is still not consciences. Her vitals look great. She is urinating a lot which the nurse said is a very good sign. Her x-rays still looks the same, in a way, the same is better than worse. Her life support setting went lower again today. Her arms though looked like they have been through a lot. I see bruising where the needles were. Her hands feels warm. I asked her to squeeze my hand when her eyes were open, no reaction. When I asked the nurse if she is out of the woods, the answer was no. She is still very sick. She only has Heparin and iV now. So things are looking up.

Updated as of Jan 26, 2014 @ 8:46p updated by Chito
I saw her on a Cardiac Chair today. Her settings on the life support is still slowly coming down which is a good thing. They are slowing weaning her off the life support. Tomorrow they will do another chest X-ray, so far there has been very little change. This very little change is what worries me and the doctors. Why isn't it improving by now? Overall she looks well, or at least looks better. Her hands looked a little swollen today, but her foot boot is still off which is a good sign.

Updated as of Jan 25, 201 @ 10:11a updated by Chito
I didn't get to visit her yesterday, but my Aunt said, another small improvement. She still had a fever, so they are treating that with antibiotics. I will stop by later tonight and check up on her.
Appended by Chito @10:04p
She looked much better today. Her x-rays still has very little change. Her vitals looked good. She has the "waffles" the boot type shoes they put on her feet was removed. He feet didn't looked swollen anymore. We are still concerned she has not woken up yet.

Updated as of Jan 23, 2014 @ 2:49p updated by Chito
Her condition has signs of improvement. She doesn't have any scheduled dialysis. She had a fever last night and they are working on that. They will check for clots later today. The nurse gave a sign of hope that things are looking twice as good as it was before. Although she can't officially say it, but that was a relief.
Appended by Chito @ 8:33p
Her x-ray shows signs of overall improvement. Her vitals looks good. It is hard to see her coughing with the life support system. They took out her dialysis tubes, not sure exactly what that means. I believe it is a good sign since they don't plan putting her on dialysis again.

Updated as of Jan 22, 2014 @ 9:45p updated by Chito
Her condition is still critical, but she is stable. Her vitals are improving and little by little she is getting better. She is no longer on Propofol but a milder sedative. She is kept sedated to keep her body stress low. Even at the sedated state, she still tries to cough and we can see why she needs to be sedated. I don't think her body can take the strenuous effort it takes to cough. She is still trying to recover. I could mildly see her trying to open her eyes. I asked her to squeeze my hand, she did not, maybe she can't. I do feel she can hear me, she may not understand, but I feel she can hear me. So today, another step forward in the right directions.

Updated as of Jan 21, 2014 7:55p updated by Chito
Her condition is still critical, but she is stable. Her vitals, at least to me, looks good with minor improvement. She is still not awake, and we (Donna and I) are wondering why. She is already off Propofol. I am going to call the Nurse around 8:30p and get more information. I will be uploading pictures later.
Appended by Chito @ 8:20p. The nurse said there is no scheduled dialysis. I will try to call tomorrow around 10:30a and see if I can talk to the doctor.

Updated as of Jan 20, 2014 2:19p updated by Chito
Donna and I have not gone to the hospital yet. From my understanding she did/will get dialysis today and she is still in Critical but stable condition. Some of you in FaceBook may have gotten the wrong news that my mom passed away, that is NOT true. She is still with us. I will update later tonight when we visit.
Appended by Chito @ 4:50p. Her vitals are improving ever so slightly. Any signs of improvement is a good a sign. Too soon to tell how much the dialysis has helped. But I am sure it did. Her condition is still Critical, and she is stable. She is still off Propofol and one other Heparin. She is still has a lot of medications. Her O2 provided by the machine is down to 40% and she is producing 97% so that is an improvement. I am no doctor, I am writing from I gather.

Update as of Jan 19, 2014 8:43am updated by Donna

She's starting off on a good day. Her vitals is better than yesterday. They are slowly weaning her off Propofol since she's saturating well and respirator not at 100%. She will however be starting on dialysis this morning. Her urine output is not that great and her electrolytes is not where it should be. Appended by Chito at 9a. She is still in critical condition. Without the dialysis, she won't make it another day. They will start this afternoon.
Appended by Chito at 9:30a. She is taken off Propofol and they are trying to wake her up to get ready for dialysis.
Appended by Chito @ 10:19a. She is still sedated even though the Propofol has been stopped.
Appended by Chito @ 4:26p. She is in dialysis till 5:30p. She started at 2:30p. She will have it again tomorrow morning. Time tbd. Looking at her vitals, it looks better than what I saw earlier. But Dr. Lim says other complications arise case and point, she is now on dialysis. Her kidney suffered from the other "fixes". Her heart rate is stable at 75, her O2 is 96 and blood pressure is 107/58 (69). Her Life support is at 45% O2 where before it was at 100% and it has slowly come down.


Update as of Jan 18, 2014 9:01pm updated by Chito

The prognosis condition is still critical. She has H1N1 with Pneumoni. The doctors are balancing medications to threat the many complications she has. She is on full life support.