Ryan Dean Sawitskas

Ryan Dean Sawitskas, 20, born on March 29, 1999, in Encino, CA, United States, passed away November 10, 2019. He resided in Glendale, CA at the time of his passing. Ryan is interred at Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills, California. Eulogy, by Ryan's father, Kurt -

Elaine and I met and married a little late in life. A year later, we established our home in Glendale and began preparing for a family. But that didn't turn out to be easy for us (oh, we tried!). We knew that we didn't need to give birth to a child to love it - parenting was the big prize. So, we signed up to adopt a child. I gotta tell ya that just beginning an adoption is a difficult and emotional process. And it takes a lot longer than you'd expect. We waited for the phone call….

One evening - the next February, I'd just settled into bed when I heard Elaine answer the phone. In the fog of sleep Elaine burst into the bedroom –
"What do you think of TWINS?!"
….. "They might be redheads!"

We met Tina, and she accepted us. We started planning, but the babies rushed us. I was still home, running late for work one morning - when the phone rang. Change of plans - we made it to the hospital – just barely in time. Elaine went to be with Tina. Elaine was the first to hold each baby, and the bond was sealed. When it was time for the babies to leave the hospital, they came home with us. Tina had given us ONE giant bucket of faith, TWO children, and ALL of her love.

As a first-time Dad, I began to learn that our kids had their own likes and dislikes, and that neither of them would share most of my personal interests. So, I began to enjoy watching them develop their own personalities – and the real work of parenting began.

We put them in preschool to make friends and become independent. We took them camping to enjoy the outdoors and adapt to less-comfortable living. Ryan and Emily did a lot of things together with us, but as their interests and friends began to be different, we encouraged their independence.

Ryan was smart. He enjoyed math, science and computers. Ryan was funny. He laughed and made us laugh. He loved to recite books of riddles and build model kits. He groaned at my puns.

At age 11, Ryan joined the Boy Scouts. He made new friends outside of his age group and school crew. He advanced his rank, and often worked with younger scouts to teach them the skills he had mastered. The next year, Ryan's troop took the Amtrak Surfliner train to a week-long camp in Oregon. I am enormously proud that the Scout Master chose Ryan to carry a tattered flag in its retirement ceremony - because, he told me - during that week Ryan had exhibited the Scout traits of being Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, and Friendly.

We took family trips to San Francisco, Washington DC, Florida, Arizona and Utah, Mexico, Catalina and Santa Cruz islands, Hearst Castle, Yosemite, San Diego. Ryan toured Alcatraz, ate an oyster, saw the Wright Bros. flyer and a space shuttle. Ryan saw the Apollo 11 capsule on one trip and the Saturn V rocket on another. He met an astronaut. He rode an airboat in the Florida swamps and smiled bigger than the alligators. He took a train ride to the Grand Canyon, then hiked below the rim and got a dusting of snow in April. He hiked the Zion Narrows Trail – two miles up the river in a slot canyon – entirely in the water with the canyon walls towering on either side.

Ry loved to eat bison burgers and hot chilis. He liked to cook, and loved skateboarding. I remember countless times when Ryan would ask me outside to watch him land a new trick – then crash repeatedly and get up with a smile and try again to master it. As a five-year-old, Ryan climbed rocks in Yosemite and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. At 15, he climbed the boulders below Yosemite Falls – the wind and mist and sunshine fulfilling his experience.

Ryan didn't develop many casual friends, but he had a few true friends who understood his kindness, his humor, his need for acceptance. For all the wonderful things that were Ryan, I think he struggled with insecurity and anxiety. His true friends understood, in some way, how vulnerable Ryan was. They led Ryan in positive directions, and away from trouble – all the while accepting him with true Christian grace.

… My phone rang two weeks ago on Saturday night. It was Ryan calling to ask for some money for food, since he wouldn't be paid until Monday. This had happened before, but not recently. It sounded legit, and I hadn't given him money in a while. Ryan had been trying to live away from us, to become independent and soothe the rough edges of our relationship. We chatted a little – about what, I don't remember. Ryan really sounded good. Clear and confident and happy.
I sent him the money and told him, "I love you." "Thanks, Dad. I love you." he said.

As his Dad, I felt that Ryan would always need my help, and I was willing. My guilt is that I didn't ask where he was that night. I wanted him to make his own choices, so I didn't grill him about what kind of food he would buy. He sounded so good, that I really had no worries. But I didn't ask whether I could pick him up and bring him home.

I will always ache with my thoughts that I could have done more for my son. My only solace is to believe that I had helped Ryan past many hurdles, but this time was different – unbeknownst to me, it was not my turn to help him.

And so, the Lord reached down for Ryan's hand as he slept, and lifted him to rest in peace.